Katy Smith: It’s natural to need alone time after a long day. To increase your odds of finding it, don’t underestimate the value of the “meet and greet”—the time after the workday, or after being at the gym or the store—when you temporarily put aside what you need and express to your kids, “I see you, I hear you and I’m delighted to be with you.” Maybe that means you take off your shoes, set your phone down and crash on the couch with them. That intentional connection feels like gold to kids. Sometimes it takes two minutes, sometimes it takes 15, but connecting is essential. When you don’t make time for it, they fight for it and nip at your heels. But when you do make time, they’re much more willing to give you the time you need for yourself.

After that, maybe kids just need to be in the same room with you. That’s the time to pull out the playdough or put on music they enjoy. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to do an activity with them–maybe they just need to be close to you. I’ve always found it helpful to have a sensory bin nearby–an old dish tray with something interesting in it like dry beans, sand or anything to give their play a little kick start.

Remember that kids circle in when they need something from us. When they feel disconnected, they’ll fight for that connection. But when they feel connected, they can let go.

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